I cancelled my crossfit class and I was almost going to stay home and vegetate and hate myself — clearly my favourite thing to do — but then I stopped feeling sorry for myself (sort of) and managed to make it to the next one. It took every fibre of my being but I WENT GODDAMNIT.
I even talked to my coach to figure out how to overcome my biggest obstacles. Like pushing up more on the bar during a back squat, the progression work I can do to get a chin up, and other things that are stopping me from being more successful and comfortable.
I woke up, fell asleep, and woke up much later than I wanted to. Fuck. I got some of my “to dos” out of the way and called up my dad about some projects I want to get done (some woodworking/furniture design/glasswork) only to hear humms and hahhs on the other line and more doubt than support.
I’m fat as a cow, no one believes in me, and I just want to go back to bed.
After my last post I totally fell off the motivation wagon. Because I took a break from crossfit, going back has been very painful. But it shouldn’t be long until I’m back in there 4/5 times a week. I feel so disgusting.
I haven’t been eating tooooo bad but I haven’t been eating too well either. This week I’m making sure to ban the “gateway carbs” — you know, the foods that you allow once and the next thing you know you’re eating pizza and fries for the next two weeks.
Getting some money and the food box from volunteering will help too.
Early to bed, early to rise, hard to work.
I am a disgusting sweaty blotchy mess. Wednesday WODs are the worst and now I know why. Wednesday and Sunday… my new days off. Ha.
I basically did three complete workouts and I am fucking SPENT.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? WHO’S COOKING?
Today was by no means a good day. I kept it under 1500 but that’s not much of an accomplishment. No exercise and got afternoon drunk (so I’m now evening hungover, yay me!).
I feel so shitty. Or as autocorrect would have me say, shirty.
Listening to Widowspeak and drinking tea. Hoping to go to bed soon. Fuckkk.
I haven’t done much to stop using this thing but that’s the way the tides flow, I suppose. I’m trying really hard not to munch right now because I’ve managed to stick to my calories (yeah, new method) for three days in a row now and I don’t want to blow it.
I’ve given myself a goal and a reward and it’s kind of the-sooner-the-better so I’m quite motivated.
Must not snack.
If you’re having trouble getting motivated…
Entertain your friends for a weekend at the cottage and eat to your heart’s content. By the time the end comes around, you’ll be so desperate for a salad the idea of junk food will make you want to hurl.
WORDS TO THE WISE.
So.. sore.. !! Let this be a warning to anyone who wants to slack off. When you go *back* you won’t lift as much, you’ll get really sore, and the guilt of not going will wash over you like the worst shame-over you’ve ever experienced!
If you feel like bailing, go but don’t work as hard. Just make sure to go!!!
Ahh! Can’t walk.. I’m taking an extra omega today.
Life always gets in the way.
Walter, my sick cat, had to be put down a week ago. But then on Saturday, my family received news my grandfather had passed. And about an hour later, my grandmother suffered a stroke. They’ve been divorced for decades but somehow are frighteningly connected.
Between taking care of Walter and having to make some really tough decisions, I haven’t been able to take proper care of myself. My money was tied up but so was my energy — mental, physical, metaphysical.
In a weird way, the news from Saturday helped knock some things into place. Myself being terrified of picturing my father passing—for it to happen to him—helped put things into perspective. It allowed me to move on from Walter’s unfortunate circumstances and back into ‘Drive.’ There are more pressing matters at hand than my grief.
So, yes, life always gets in the way. And sometimes it has to. But we mustn’t let it last too long.
I haven’t been able to get to crossfit in four days because of scheduling. This really bums me out because I feel disgusting. Lying in bed, I feel like my belly is attached to me. I sleep on my stomach for comfort.
I can only make up for this absence by eating super clean and going tomorrow (and all the next days, I guess, too). Maybe I’ll do 20 burpees later and 100 sit ups to tryyyy and help my cause.
I wish it was as easy to lose weight as it is to gain it. Fuck.
Doin’ my Cure…
As part of the weekend assignments, I’m gonna watch some shitty tv and clean out my kitchen. I don’t think I have that much to do but the cupboards certainly could use a wipe. I’ll probably find some forgotten corner that’ll usurp my entire evening.
Then I’m gonna use up leftovers to make meatballs or sliders or something ground-beef-based, cauli-rice, and spinach salad. To drink, I will top it off with a berry-minty-kale-spirulina smoothie. And mango sorbet for dessert because I have an insatiable, gnawing sweet tooth. Yum.
I feel disgusting.
I spent the day transferring huge contents of a website between servers and designs. So frustrating. I did manage to get spirulina and some essentials… but then I ate a sandwich (and a brownie), thinking I’d be going to crossfit. And I didn’t make it in time. And I’ve been putting it off like crazy for too long.
So I made a point to reorganize tomorrow so I can fit it in at noon. Today has been the last day this will happen for a while and I enjoyed it for what it is. Tomorrow things are getting back on track.
My brother gave this to me and it’s already being super helpful. I thought you guys would like the cover as it means a lot more to my diet community friends than anyone else.
Day 4 of the Cure. Day 6 of Paleo. Feeling good… I could use more energy though. I think I might get some spirulina for smoothies and gel caps (on non-smoothie days). The best part of Paleo (and what makes it so easy to stick to) is that you see the results immediately… You don’t lose 4 dress sizes over night but your body starts working more efficiently. For example, I pooped twice before noon.
I feel cleaner and not just due to aforementioned activities. When I was on the diet before, I felt as though every time I “evacuated” I was getting rid of fat and toxins and general discomfort—with myself, my body, and even crossfit classes became easier.
I haven’t actually been to crossfit since the new year because of all sorts of life problems but I’m going tonight. I’m dealing with a really sick cat, my Walter baby, and some days I just have to cancel plans and focus on what’s more important.
Can’t wait to get back.
Food vs me
I’m trying to start back into paleo. And this time for as long as it takes me to get to where I need to be. No time frame. I’ve slipped out of it too easily to be strict with myself; I’m trying to change my approach. What that means is that I’m trying to just make better decisions… shades of grey rather than black and white.
Yesterday I had subway. Which is a better choice than, say, pizza. I also had some toblerone but it was for a good cause: I FINISHED IT. no more left to haunt, tease, and tempt me.
I’m trying to find some good recipes and I’ll share all the ones I make and my subs and how I like them and if they were good or gross.
But first I need some groceries.
I think my boyfriend might be maybe saving for a ring. Maybe.
I can’t tell real life people in case I’m reading too much into little clues but I had to spill the beans.
I am ineffably thrilled at the thought of it. So I’m keeping my mouth shut and telling the internet, because that’s what you do in these types of situations.
For all sorts of reasons, I’m excited for the next year. I just need my cat to get healthy and then everything will be beautiful and won’t hurt.